


Love: Why Guns Are Still Legal

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-19
Updated: 2003-10-19
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: The Boys of  Babylon tear apart some shitty poetry, MST-style.





	Love: Why Guns Are Still Legal

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

6...5...4...3...2...1..

BRIAN: Do I have to know a damn thing about poetry to do this?

JUSTIN: No. All you need is your inherent sense of judgment.

MICHAEL: What the hell am I here for?

JUSTIN: Because I promised I would get a group of people together to critique this poetry and I needed someone here with Brian and I because we would just get ... distracted.

MICHAEL: What? Promise who? This shit doesn't make any...

JUSTIN: Shh! If you keep asking questions like that the audience will figure out what horse-shit this all is and stop reading! If they don't read it then they can't send feedback and then and the author of this fic will commit suicide!

MICHAEL: *Mumbles something about the author (which is Lauren) being a heinous bitch who only writes tired Brian/Justin fic who SHOULD just commit suicide*

BRIAN: All right, let's just do this thing. Some of us have a lot of being unemployed to do today.

>T H E M I S S I N G L O V E

MICHAEL: Them Is Sing Love? The fuck kind of title is that?

JUSTIN: The Missing Love. Too bad the words are all run together and retarded.

BRIAN: Actually the words are apart. See all the unnecessary spaces? Now, who's retarded?

>I've heard all is to whisper-& felt all is to see

BRIAN: Oh, a chick wrote it. That explains a lot.

MICHAEL: How do you know a woman wrote it?

BRIAN: Because it's weak and stupid and blatantly defies logic as often as possible. No one with balls could write something like this.

JUSTIN: Then maybe Michael wrote it.

MICHAEL: Watch it, punk. I can always start telling bartenders that you're under age.

>From the silence of my prayers so sure-To the dreams

JUSTIN: It's too bad this is all unintelligible drivel. The poet might actually have had something to say but the right words just can't get around the lump of stupid in her throat.

>i came to believe

MICHAEL: Hey, did you guys know that you can't spell the word "believe" without the word "lie" in the middle? Spooky, isn't it?

JUSTIN: Everyone knows that, you dolt.

MICHAEL: Wrong! Gus doesn't know it.

BRIAN: Yes he does. I was over in the Land of Women and Children yesterday telling Gus about the unimportance of religion and I specifically remember telling him about beliefs and lies and how they both sail on the SS Bullshit.

>& as the nights layed in darkness-& nothing was to touch love so near

JUSTIN: Where the hell is my gun? Oh, found it. I knew my it was around here somewhere. I'm gonna put this bitch out of my misery. What's this idiot's screen name?

BRIAN: It's "loveisendless2003."

ALL: *shake their heads slowly and with a knowing pity*

JUSTIN: That poor fool. She's gonna thank me for killing her someday.

>Until i felt your heart of a kiss

MICHAEL: I had been able to keep my lunch down, but then...

>-To make the magic reappear

BRIAN: Yell at it. My magic always reappears when I yell at it.

>But as something still feels so empty

JUSTIN: Like my head.

>As the secrets vanished to think

BRIAN: Oh man, I hate it when my secrets vanish to think. They're always trying to blackmail me with themselves.

>Until time of tests lead to find me

JUSTIN: "Time of tests?" Goddamn this person is stupid! I can actually feel my brain cells withering and disintegrating in self-defense. Who gave this fuck the right to slaughter the English language like this?

BRIAN: Maybe George W. did.

JUSTIN: It couldn't have been. When this poem was being posted W. was openly bashing gay marriage in front of the whole goddamn world.

MICHAEL: It's a mystery then.

>THE MISSING LOVE.....

JUSTIN: Brilliant! She was able to string together three whole words.

MICHAEL: Except that the words are all in caps and have a bunch of periods following them around.

BRIAN: I had a bunch of periods following me around once. I just got a couple of restraining orders and those women finally went home.

JUSTIN: *pulls his wallet out of his back pocket* Mikey, how much you wanna bet that Melanie was able to hear that crack from all the way across town and is on her way here to put her foot up Brian's ass?

MICHAEL: *tosses a bill on the table* I bet twenty.

BRIAN: Stop being so dramatic. A woman can't hear what a man says until he's blackened her eye a couple of times.

JUSTIN: Well, if that rule doesn't apply to dykes, you'll owe us each twenty bucks.

BRIAN: Deal.

>Of a golden link!

MICHAEL: Oh, that's right. We were reading this crappy poem. I had already forgotten.

JUSTIN: You're so lucky you're a mindless idiot. It's gonna take a lifetime of shock therapy to wipe this shit from my memory. But at least now the thing is finished.

MICHAEL: Hey, I'm not a... *stops as he hears a car door slam loudly* That must be Mel.

BRIAN: *gets up to look* Michael, don't be so... Oh shit! It is Mel! And she looks pissed!

MICHAEL: She always looks pissed.

JUSTIN: Your best chance is the fire escape, go! I'll put an open can of tuna fish behind the dresser to distract her! Hurry!

MICHAEL: Dude, Brian totally owes us forty dollars!

JUSTIN: That's true. Brian, give me your pants.

BRIAN: What?!

JUSTIN: I'm sure Michael and I would both shell out twenty bucks to see you climb down the fire escape in your underwear and since you don't have a job OR forty bucks to piss away on a fuckin' bet, this is your best option.

BRIAN: Fine! *takes off his pants and throws them in Justin's face before flinging himself out the window.

JUSTIN: That's priceless. Now, Mel's going to be using the elevator, since she's knocked up and all, so let's take the stairs to the ground floor and watch Brian run around in nothing but shorts and a blind panic.

MICHAEL: OK! Wait, what about this shitty poem? Should we forget about it and shut the computer down?

JUSTIN: I'll do it. *takes out his gun and shoots the modem, then the tower* Let's go.

MICHAEL: *flings the door open, runs into the hall and takes a header on the stairs* Ow, dammit!

JUSTIN: Oh, no fuckin' way do I only have one bullet left. Michael, if I had one more bullet I would shoot you in the head! As it is, I'm saving this one for loveisendless2003.

MICHAEL: Shut up! Like you've never fallen down before!

JUSTIN: Move your ass, Michael! There's only four stories left, tuck and roll! *aside* Jesus, this was a bad idea.


End file.
